'well don't try! When you go to the bathroom, you don't try, right?' derek from the HD lot.

"i think i've had my period longer than you guys dated"-liz

"She IS tempurpedic" --E

"Jesus is in your nipple"--Marcus

"It's a mix of blind and fucked up on pills.."--Brenna

"i'm like fondling the cookies...." - Darren

'what?You don't wanna be a grandmother?' t to mom. 'what the hell you asking her for?It's not her choice! You kids are stupid always asking your parents!" -nani

"even if they were sexually involved, what would happen?? He can't knock her up!" -t's grandma nani

"My shit's tighter than a snare drum.."-caroline

"I'm imbibed with cum.."-The Derek

"I thought you were lighting my butt.." -wise one

"are you going to dance?" - Sky

'It's like pathological vomit in my mouth.' -sarah

"mmm it's like dancing, on your tongue." - E

"no one wants to sit in bacaloa bay." - Ty

"i don't know how to get a hold of Toothpick." - T

"you like sucking on tea sac's?" - Taufiqul

"Every neighbor knows you fuck incredibly loud" -- E

"i got motor boated the other day and then i got titty fucked." - Marri

'cameron. Can you turn around for a second?' '...' 'do you see that blue drink?' -d and c

"that just landed on my face." "well you should've opened your mouth wider." ...."i can't open my eye.... It's sticky.... It burns." Dave and E

"i clean to make the pain go away..." -J

"he's fucked, like scissorhands fucked...." - Taufiqul

'what? Is this guy walking the tree??' -j

'humping?! That was half a hump! I have to bring it all the way down and up again to be humping!!' -j

'what? You've never had an itch that moves?' 'yeah. It's called Teresa.' -t and j

"man, we were up there.. there's a lot of, like, down." - Taufiqul

'i went to mark twain's house. He's dead.'

'We're here, we're growing tomatoes. We've got extra. So. Why not.. be born?' -dar, on having a small ego to be a parent.

'We're here, we're growing tomatoes. We've got extra. So. Why not.. be born?' -dar, on having a small ego to be a parent.

When im throwing up i dont feel the need to touch my taint...--wise one

"it's like the 80's threw up.... A flock of seagull's called, they want their hairdo back...." - Jen

".... aisle vialators...." "what did you just call me? .... sounds like a rapist around every corner." - T and J

"i practically took a bath in raspberry syrup today." "did you say we or you?" D and J

"i practically took a bath in raspberry syrup today." "did you say we or you?" D and J

'can i have a side of something other than that?' -j

"this is so cute.... It's kinda giving me a headache." - T

"i'm about to spread some butter on your ass toast!" - D

Stop it, you retarded little t-rex! -J

She went from sexual to auto-cannabalism, i couldn't take it

"why'd you hit me?" "cause it's fun and it's free." - Tio and Titi

"mr. morehead, as in more head than hair." - Mari

"I mean rhode island, you've got whipped cream... But california?!?" -T on the intervention duster

"october." "that's not a day that's a month." .... "how about october first." "oh well yeah, october." - T and J

"hey baby." "oh teresa's making breakfast tonight." - J and Dave

"she's plickering." - Dave

"it's just cruel because you can't blog it." - Dave

"making post-its for breakfast...." - J

"He could've definitely killed the senator in that 2 guys 1 horse video." - T

"if i'm going to need back surgery because of my chest, he's going to need hip surgery by the time he's 30." - T

'do you think he always feels like he's running a three legged race?' -dave

"i wanna do that like, yesterday!" - T

'you should hear the noises she makes!' -EZ (tom)

'i'm in new jersey, but i did just fart..' -tim

'where were you?' 'having a BM.' 'from mcdonalds?' customers at the home depot.

'where were you?' 'having a BM.' 'from mcdonalds?' customers at the home depot.

"there's no more graby graby softness." - T

"you should twat waffle." - chelsea

"can i use your finger, mines full of dirty stuff." - T

That weed smells like god's vagina-wilma

Oh shit, someone turned Edgar into a cartoon...--T

Taublstone

If you wanna puke on the lawn, you have to eat the grass...--Dave

Do you wanna have your ass sucked out and feel it? Or just drown? -Bryan

"no wonder that guy didn't wanna move in with her.... would you wanna smell cooter all day?" - T

"it's not incest unless you have children...-dave"

"the only thing that was holding her up was the weight of her love." - T

She totally could have fallen to her death with no pants on...and i didnt care -T

I want to meet this Abdul kid, will he like my boobs?! Like, can he do something with them? Cause this is good pot! -T

I want to meet this Abdul kid, will he like my boobs?! Like, can he do something with them? Cause this is good pot! -T

'honey. I love you. Can we change the sheets.' -dave

Of course you dont you pot-head bitch -E about T

'...he acted like you!' -d

Foddley....the oddly fair parents...-E

"it's like hanna montana, the best of both worlds." - Heather

"it's like taking a shot and realizing nobody's ready, and holding it in your mouth until they are." - T

"look at you committing federal offenses." - D

"i'm like son of a cow, i'm done!" - T

"i wonder if my t9 has dill" - E

"dilfish. Not dill fish." -dan

"are you serious....? is today april fools day?" - D

"i like saying polyurethane." - D

"it's my alarm so i don't get pregnant...." - T

"it's always going to be me.... In the dining room.... With the fork." - T

'i said take a bite! You munched the whole thing! You didn't even take it to dinner!' -j

"i didn't want to explode pancake all over your back!" - T

"i don't like my coffee like my color....." - random gist at deney's....

"boys like girls stank." - Julia

"you're part lesbian...." - E "yeah there's a little nub and my tongue wants to touch it." - T

"and i'm really sorry if i caulk the windows shut.... I don't know.... They do it!" - T

"wow i like that there, it's really pretty, like god is pointing at it" - T on the new position of her 'pot dresser'

Not Done yet take the tape off the pot dresser and measure how long the bunny acid is would ya -j, via a bad t9 text

"he's the only half cripple i knew that could play volleyball well...." - Jaimie

"there's solid's in my foam." - D

"is sandaura's box the same as pandora's box?" - D

"did you ever see his retarted face?" - Chelsea

"going.... wait.... what? let me see what time i have to work...." - J

"why do i feel like i'm 98 degrees.... no pun intended...." - E

"i feel like a cat's licking my throat." - D

Ampersand to you?!? What?!?! --T

"baby, is our bread moldy yet?" - T

'i just want it to be done and over with.. and i just made a bubble with my mouth.' -t

"can you get off my boyfriend so we can go for a walk?" "like the asian pot you cook in?" - eric and D

'do you have any kind of salad entree?' -derek 'um. No. We have chicken.' -kfc drive through lady

"if i get hit by a honda i'm gonna be pissed." - dave

"speak of the devil and she'll show up on a ford taurus." - austin

"duck.... duck.... duck.... SPIC!" - austin

".... crusty cougar bitch...." - austin

"does that shirt come with a dildo?" - random asshole

"it's like masturbating with a cheese grater." - austin

"i feel like i'm chewing shit" - e

"you're hot like sheri lewis on my face." "sheri lewis should never be incorporated into a sex joke.... fucking sock puppets." - edgar and austin

"the graham cracker crust is yeast infection." "or proof she wipes back to front." - edgar and austin

"what does strawberry shortcake's menstration taste like?" "go to friendly's and get the strawberry sauce." .....

"brazilian tuna taco" - e

"edgar your fem bots broken...." - austin

'so one went for a walk and the other went swimmin'?' -j

"i'm going to pay you so that i can follow you...." - sharon

"give me a stick and a floor and i'm good." - derrick

Mmm i love bawls..to drink...

"you can't cook bad breakfast if you have a great ass." - Dave

"i was going to newark to tutor and i just missed the last murder...." - sky

"don't even put the tip in, i don't want to die." - J

"you guys were the ones who wanted me to year tighter tights, you're either going to one trunk or two." - kp

'is dave's real name daniel?' 'um. No.' 'well, that's what it says on the mail.' '..uh. DAN's real name is daniel!' j & t

"when she said box to her right, i thought she meant her vagina...." - Dave

'i can't get my thing off cuz i'm high.' -james

"just prepokey thing" - T

"pokey thing.... Produce a pokey thing!" - T

"you knows a master concocter?" - T

'i'm not humping! I'm settling.' -j

"the thought plickens...." - eric

'There's black people! It looks like a zoo!' -eric

"what do you call 3 spinks in a row? A lawnmower." - eric

"dildos are people too...." - E

'i never claimed to know everything. And i certainly don't always know what i'm doing.' -j

"baby an you put some egg in my mouth?" - T "wait aren't you supposed to say that to him?" - H

"i want more ketchup in my life." - T

" it's like september 14th is a secret!" - T

"Want me to quief some cheese on your salad?" --E

"does he like come from some country where like 5 isn't 5?" - D

"danielle syndrome...." - d

'so. After you pee, does that mean you've taken the coffee out of the honey mustard?' -t

"i just want to put my face in it...." - T

...And the penis would look so odd by itself...

Her ass affects where the dvd case is...lucky bitch-- E on J-Lo's ass

'sarcastic verbal art.' -j

'more like the ladyless tramp!' -e

"you get 2 sip's for every 80 gallon pull." - J

"it's like trying to blow air into a tire without a jack." - J

"i can see her ribs through her tit's." - D

"You look like an orange orca..." -E

"my back's gonna feel like anus tomorrow." - D

Okay, this is the first long post on here, but I have to recount the story exactly as it happened....

So I'm in the raspberry field and this little boy across the way starts bragging about how he filled his pint in 20 minutes and yadda yadda yadda.... The little girl next to him was jealous, and walked up to him and said, "I have a lot of balls too!" The boy looked at her for a split second and blurts out, "No you don't! You're a girl! You have a COOTER!" Needless to say, I nearly pissed myself laughing in the sweltering heat of the raspberry fields.

"i'm paying 5.99 for a pint of assberries." - random person at raspberry field

"this is like the narnia bush.... A beavers gonna come out and start talking to us." - random person at raspberry field

"they must have a high suicide rate." (referring to Lyman Orchard field workers) - random person at strawberry field

"the potential asbestos strawberries." - random person at strawberry field

'did you see how we got this pile of pussy to follow us?' -paul

'It's like being on the under twenty one side of toad's place.'-paul

"he used to shoot people in the face, now look at him." - J

"you'd have to be like homeless stumbling!" - D

"michael jackson died so don't accuse me of liking someone younger." - J

"who needs food when you have coffee cloves and alcohol...." - D

"deaf.a.t's" - D

"who needs polly pocket when you have maria." - E

"legally i'm illegal." - T

'what is that called? Gibberish?' -james. On speaking in tongues.

"as long as he skull fucks me and rapes my ass til it comes out the back of my throat...." - who else would say that

'i could totally see why i would do that.' -james

'good sex fixes everything.' -t 'not Gonorrhea.' -bill

"wasn't dead." - T

"the ring toe on this finger." - T

'i'm just hairless like a rex cat.' -james

"I wish that was a spork and you'd spork yourself." - E

'when i crap on cars, i dent. So you better watch what you say.' -james

"when i think about you i adjust myself...." - J

"Sex grime and beach time.... Ehmm...." - E

"don't touch me i'm stuck!" - T

"watching someone play with someone else, it's just weird." - J

"instead of friends they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims.... Edgar that's us.. We could be sociopaths!" - T

"it's like define 'the'.." - T

"what happens at the bin tonight stays at the bin." - Donna

"wow. I never thought hi would be on my back." - D

'dan's got soft skin like you. It's just furry on top.' -james

'oh. Queen of the damned. And stewart townsend! It's the only movie i liked him in! I'm salvating.' -d

'you're decently high?! This is the kid that gets high and can't work for four days?! Dude, did you ever mow the lawn?!' -james on d

'that was DUMB! yeah. Let's light a flame upside down! OW!!' -d

'you could organize it like a fucking square dance!' -d

'It's wake and bake, and i helped!' -t

Wow. You've got a lot of vertebre. -e

'i think you're most beautiful in the morning.. cuz you're still here.' -james

"You are so evil now...." - E

"it's like urban camoflage.... I can totally hide in a library." - J

'Fucking clown ass damaged my foot.' -d

"fally and stupid...." - T

"Everyday is the first of May for Teresa...." - D

"kiTty Has StiCky whiPs." - D (his first words)

"God is sending you those headache's for a reason." - Pat

"Uh oh Teresa's on the ceiling...." E & D

"It means i'm not a whore." - D

"you fuck it you buy it." - J

"Nooo neeeigh never" - D

'fisting?' 'i thought that was illegal.' e and james

"I hated you both the first time i met you." - James

"What's the difference between jesus and a painting of jesus?" - L "Jesus' lazy eye...." - Kara

"I'm talking about large arms big heads...." Kara

"Do you wanna have an invigorating love drink with me?" - T

"Foldy ass coupon." - T "Wow, i have a lot of alcoho.. No i have a lot of a little bit of alcohol." - T

"My teeth feel like they're melting." - T "STOP SAYING THINGS!" - E

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder." - E "It's fucking fond dude.. It hurts!" - T

"Edgar, you do realize what happens now.." - T "What?" - E "NOTHING!" - T

*cough, cough, cough.... spit* - T

'need a hand?' -james. To a man with a plastic arm. AH.

'What's a woody?' 'ma! What's a guy get in the morning?' 'OH! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!' -people at the Sharades gig.

'stop smoking with commitment..' kari

I didn't have a desire to squish it through my teeth. - D

'okay. Twice.' -james

'that was a smart word and a dumb word..' -james

Whatever. HEAD HURTS.... - T

What? Tell dan to take back his blanket when he sleeps. I stole it. Couldn't take it. Freezing. Fan off. Fuck windows. Cold. - T

"Vagiant...." - D "That's like Wayne if he was a girl." - T

"Sss.... Is he in fact correct?" - T "No" - E

When Teresa's around, you have to hide your mattress..... - D

I can't do it, it makes me snot. - T

"so what's his last name?" - E thinks.... "i stole a piece of mail!" - T

That blows, im here, coming in the back.... - D

'i kinda have a nonaggressive crush.. well, if you don't count the knives.' -james

'going through a yellow light while It's still yellow means 7 1/2 minutes of good sex.' 'so, that's, like 2 1/2 times!' t & james

So i squatted behind some shrub and a garbage can.... - T

Oh no. And my message just proved how wrecked i am. - T

I LOVE YOU. if knows the girl i was named after and his dad drinks at my dad.s bar. and She's a on the side kid, too. IT SO WEIRD.- T

'that shit's laced with more pot.' -james

'they have a, you know, an open relationship. she does her thing, he does her thing..' -dominick (sharades 'groupie')

The drinks are strong and I want to show off my tits. - T

I was so mal-new-tour-ished. -e

Somebody! Oar! -e

You can suck my left nut in your right back. -e

They won't know were drunk if we shhh.... - Sarah

Drowning in a strangers urine is a bad way to go. - Sarah

Stupid pezbian enigma wannabe

she totally grew up fat.. or mentally ill and had surgery to reverse it. -t

The sweet ones are the ones that follow you to your car and kill so that they can make love to you body. - Jaimie

You should see i have a really good semi! - D

'it looks like your lips are chapped. You can trust me to be honest, i have to be seen with you.' -t

"i'm not sure if i want to clove eat clove, or eat clove?" - T "you don't want to eat clove.... It might be nasty." - D

You need to give me some lotion to make it better. - Wayne

That means i had more than on this hand. - T

I think i just popped a safety pin. - Derek

Hide me in my bosom. - Derek .... Derek was right

"2009 best lesbian erotica?"
"yeah, you know, they're good to have. and you can't pass it up when you see it for a dollar at a tag sale."
"i've never seen erotica at a tag sale."
"yea i meant used book store."
-t&e

My nipple feels like leather.... It feels like.... Touch it! - D

'Fuck you, sneeze.' -e

I have to eat here.... I don't have a fork! - T

I just looked at the time and it's not even there, but i know it's time for me to go. - T

Better stickage.... - E

How'd she cut herself? She didn't cut herself.... Well she did do it by herself.... - E

Beh.. Bleh.... I can't even see it. - T

'i will write on your face while you're awake!' -e

There's a lot of times where your mouth has to go pbh.... How are you going to write that you can't write that. - T

I'm already turning into a Taubl. - T

Because T9 did it, it's right?! - E

Chaos - 'I don't want you to be done.'